The 110 Institute: The Beginning

110 boys who are being raised in Single-Parent homes, come together with more that male 150 adult Mentors, at the National Civil Rights Museum in Memphis. The "Man of the House" Mentoring Event will take place on Saturday, June 19, 2010, Father's Day weekend. The uniquely sturctured two-day mentoring event will focus improved personal skills, Literacy, spirituality, and awareness of a young man's "duty", as taught through Proverbs and the Chinese philosopher, Confucius.

“Man-ters” Versus Mentors
Real Men Who Have Time to Share… But None to Waste

Tony Nichelson

Modern mentoring programs, for the most part, are well-intended, and occasionally effective. Amid all the noise from groups and individuals who claim to be mentoring, the results continue to be shallow and isolated at best, and manipulative at a more realistic and sinister level. There are approximately six million African-American (urban) youngsters in the U.S., aged twelve to twenty-one (12-21). Current mentoring efforts touch most of these children in some distant way, mostly as a resource, but the actual number of effective mentor-mentee "connections" is miniscule, perhaps ten percent (10%).

Part of the reason for this shortcoming, and the central problem we face, is the inherent disconnect in the way Mentors are recruited, screened, trained, and assigned to a mentee. Another part of what's missing is the direct connection between the man and the boy, in terms of direction and purpose, where "real" men can immediately share what they know… right here, and right now. To quote one of my earlier editorials in the Tri-State Defender newspaper, "Real men have jobs, homes, families, responsibilities, and passions for life. Real men are confident in their persons, and in their abilities. They're usually busy most of the time, but that's what maintains those homes and families and passions". These types of men have some time to share, but none to waste. I call them "Man-ters".

Traditional "mentors" are recruited and given orientation to a variety of vague concepts concerning behaviors and responses of young boys. Too often, the facilitators are untrained, good-hearted souls who are in over their heads. God bless them one-and-all, those who would share time and attention with misguided urban teens. All of us should mentor or "coach" the young people around us, and volunteer a few hours to share some new ideas, skills and tasks with children who have never really learned to seek self-improvement. “Man-ters” are in a position to help fill this void, but they don’t have a lot of time for six-hour training sessions, before they ever see a child.

We need men to share their knowledge of chivalry and class with young boys. We need men to show them how to check or even change the oil on a car, or replace a kitchen floor tile for an elderly relative, or mix a bucket of concrete for a small home repair. Real men have time to share this kind of hands-on knowledge with boys, but they don't have a lot of time for philosophical meetings that “explore the possibilities" for growth of a young boy. Real men want to show up, meet the boys, get to work, see some progress, and leave all of the psycho-social aspects to counselors, preachers and parents. "Man-ters" offer encouragement to the young men as they leave, headed back to their families and to their busy lives. These men return to their homes and careers with a small sense of accomplishment, and will very likely return to "Man-ter" again, if they can comprehend what we're doing here.

Finally, the concept of "Man-ter" versus Mentor is aimed at a healthy exercise in placing critical resources where they're needed most, and not squandering the human capital that is needed now to train (or re-train) urban boys. I personally favor "team-mentoring" in nearly all cases, with several men and several boys assembling for skills development and task-completion. One-on-one mentoring (or coaching) is tough stuff. Mentors are not psychiatrists, and the boys who really need the help, don’t really make for very good patients. But the group concept is measurably more effective, and as common as the "Boy Scout" model or the “Pop Warner” football team operated by volunteer-coaches from the neighborhood.

"Man-ters" are real men who have time to share, but none to waste. We need millions of them to step forward, and offer what they have to local churches and schools. We need a million dollars, and a million mentors, but what we need most is for every man to stand up for his community, and be a "Man-ter" to every boy who needs it.



© Copyright 2010 Anthony Nichelson The 110Institute.com Memphis All Rights Reserved

Saving Our Mothers from Domestic Violence
Finally Changing the Game, to Help Women & Girls

Tony Nichelson

The only issue in our society that is more prevalent than Domestic Violence is cancer. In fact, domestic violence probably touches and affects more people than cancer. It’s that serious. The hitting, punching and emotional abuse that befalls women caught up in abusive relationships leaves the victims and their children shattered for decades.

When Taffi Crawford, a Nurse and mother, was gunned down on the Friday before Valentine’s Day by her ex-boyfriend, we were all stunned. Just as we were stunned last year when a lovely and talented teacher, Ashley Scott was beaten and left for dead by her husband on their cold garage floor. This community is second in the nation in ‘reported’ cases of domestic abuse, with only 25 percent of cases ever being reported. Beatings and threats that don’t require medical attention or police involvement rarely get reported, but the damage is done to the women, girls and children who hear the harsh profanity, hear the punches landing, and see the rage of the animals who inflict the daily beatings.

Why does the woman stay, and why won’t the man stop hitting her? These questions are pondered by the YWCA Abused Women’s program staff, and by the authorities who continue to see the broken and battered bodies of the ladies who end up in the Emergency Room at the Med. The answer to “why the women stay”, can be summed up in three words… fear, economics, and love. The victims FEAR what will happen to them if they try to leave; the victims can’t financially afford to leave (or so they think); and in too many cases, the women actually still have love for the abuser, thinking he will one day change. False pride, low self-esteem, confusion, and embarrassment all contribute to the most reckless decision that these women will ever make. They give up their best years to this creep who only wants to control her, because he controls very little else in his life.

Here are some realities that Memphis must now consider. We can not continue to care more about the Memphis Animal Shelter than we do about the Memphis Sexual Assault Resource Center. I love animals, especially kittens, but we can not continue to make the discovery of three dead dogs in a Mississippi corn field a “Breaking News” story, while a woman has been beaten, raped, and told to clean up the mess. Let’s see the televised photographs of the black eyes and broken bones of abused women, just as we show emaciated dogs and cats, with a warning that these pictures are “graphic”. If we could only show the rage of these cowardly abusers on video, while they were actually swinging at vulnerable frightened women, the public would quickly turn on these creeps, just as we've turned on drunk drivers. Domestic violence happens behind closed doors… usually. It’s a private matter with huge public health implications.

Starting today, we have to empower women, and teach them self-defense techniques. We have to equip our boys with tactics and resources that can help their mothers break the cycle of brutality and domestic violence. We have to pass legislation that makes Protective Orders mean what they say, and teach women that it’s not okay to allow the suspect to talk his way back in with his promises to “do better”. We have to start early, teaching our boys that they don’t OWN this woman, and that she has a right to exist as a human being, not merely as a sex object that he can isolate from the outside world as he pummels her to the kitchen floor.

The only issue in our society that is more prevalent than Domestic Violence is cancer. It’s that serious, and the situation can only change with a constant focus on the reasons men do it, the reasons women stay in such violent conditions, and the real impact on the children who witness a beating in the early morning hours or in the middle of the night. I’ll stop short of calling for “good vigilantes” who will go to the aid of abused women, and we don’t want her brothers or uncles to go to jail for Assault while the abuser walks free as a crime victim. That would be the ultimate irony and insult. Self-defense techniques for women, new legislation modeled after Drunk Driving laws, greater public awareness, and real concern for the Mothers, aunts and sisters in our society who are beaten every day will level the playing field, and finally "change the game" in favor of women. We love you Taffi.

© Copyright 2010 Anthony Nichelson the110institute.com Memphis
All Rights Reserved